Memories of Grandmother and Grandaddy

Today I shed
tears for the passing
of my Grandmother
and Grandaddy.
Perhaps it was
the poem I wrote
for Dad
that triggered these thoughts.

I remember my Grandad's funeral -
	over 10 years ago -
the way I sat there
pretending,
for some strange reason,
that it didn't hurt...
seeing my cousin
crying.

But he had lived
in that same town
as Grandaddy
and I always lived
in another state
and I'd only see
my Grandparents
briefly, twice a year...

But I had memories.

I don't think
for me,
the reality
of death hits me
right away.

My Grandmother died
last November
but it took about
5 months
before
I shed that first tear.

I had not seen her
in years prior
to her death.

I don't think she knew
she would
just fade
	away
like she did.

I know she meant
to leave more
than these memories
that sting
and bring tears.

Still, these occasional
tears
seem right
and they really
don't hurt
too badly.

But the way
she died?
She seemed to fade away -
dying in a nursing home;
unaware of when
my father and mother
visited her -
sometimes not recognizing
her son.

Sometimes, I was told,
she wasn't even aware
that her husband had died
years earlier
or that her daughter
died before her
a few years ago.

I know she didn't
intend things to go
this way -
She intended to leave
behind for me,
something more
than memories.

by Bruce Whealton