Hosting a Poetry and Music Event – It seemed impossible

Shy and Terrified!

What was I thinking?  That was going through my mind Saturday the 27th of February, 2010. Hosting an event! Being MC! This is insane! To say I was nervous is quite an understatement. It was a little embarrassing. I mean my shyness was apparent and I wasn’t handling it well, or so it seemed.

Some said that maybe I am not really shy!  If they could only see me that night!  No one would doubt that I am profoundly and greatly shy.  Some think that shyness is something that you just grow out of… you learn certain things and eventually, right.  In the thinking of said folks, this learning is inevitable.  And if the learning is inevitable than eventually what made one shy cannot continue.  If you only saw me this last Saturday night, you’d never question for a second that I am a very shy person.

I wanted this to go right and to go well. I was nervous, and uncertain… I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to do something. Yes, I wanted this to happen, but I, oh, so didn’t want to host this. Talk about an understatement!

One might question how shy I was… I did read after all. I did use that microphone… but how I get out of it? I suppose the pre-teen boy that I was would have run out and hid behind whatever tree he could find. Maybe I’m not that shy. Is it really a matter of quantity? Whatever one might want to call that experience, and my reaction, my feelings and actions… I wish I didn’t feel the way I did and do.

One of the fellow presenters, said I should I tell the people at the cafe, face to face, at their tables, that we are about to have a poetry reading and music presentation. I said, “I can’t do that.” She insisted and challenged my use of the word “can’t.” I never figured out how to get the nerve up or figure out how to go about this venue approaching strangers and talking to them about what we were doing.

Through some miracle, and that’s what it was, this went off well. However, if anyone doubts that I am shy and that is the most genuine thing I can ever say or state, that person who doubts my shyness isn’t so in touch with reality… I assure you that if you were here as I found myself in a situation of hosting an event, you’d have no doubt that I was indeed a painfully shy person.

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