Suicidal Days

These days you’d think
there was just this death everywhere…
these gray somber skies,
skeletal trees,
this damp mourning
and remembering
but I still don’t
completely understand
why my aunt
and my cousin
took their lives.

Maybe, on days like today,
I begin to get some idea -
some partial understanding -
cold damp days
where life seems to be fading
like the leaves fall from the trees…
when you don’t know
if it will ever
get warmer.
This is the season
of death…
Winter approaches bringing
only colder
and more lifeless days.
Maybe my aunt and cousin
sensed something
of the innevitable
and their last act
was an effort
to grasp
some control over events
that would otherwise be
innevitable.

I’ve seen it before
my anorexic cousin
slowly killing herself
in her persistent efforts
at control
starving herself.
I tried so hard
to understand
when she was alive
but I never did.

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