An As-if Person

He lived an as-if life
He asked himself
what was different about himself
now versus just six months ago.
He held two contradictory beliefs at once…
He knew there was nothing different
about his nature or character
than existed just six months ago.
Now he was homeless though,
he had lost his job
and his home.

He didn’t look any different,
though indeed he could not dress
quite so nicely.
He wasn’t a different person,
he had the same character,
the same morals.
But he began to see himself
the way he knew others saw him.
And thus he held two contradictory views
at the same time
about himself.
The reality he knew
and the as-if view of himself
that he held -
the view of himself
based on the assumptions
he felt others sure held
about him,
as if these assumptions
were true.

He began to think of himself
as-if he was a different person…
as if he was an alcoholic
or an addict,
though he knew he was neither of these…
as-if he was lazy
though, while he certainly wasn’t lazy,
he was losing hope, and thus motivation.

Little by little, he began to hold these
dialectical attitudes about himself,
at once believing in the truth
about himself
and the false assumptions
he felt sure that others held about him,
as-if these beliefs
were true.

By Bruce Whealton
November 5, 2009