Paternal Guidance

At a time when men
were still head of the household,
they were so quiet
and unspoken,
my grandfathers and my father -
a reality
I often found puzzling.

I often wonder why
I didn't turn to them
for more of their wisdom
and guidance.
Partly it was because
they were so unspoken
and I was always a boy
or man
of words – always seeking
the meaning of things.

My maternal grandfather died
before I got into my teens,
 a time when a boy like me
had no idea how short
time is for listening
and learning
or building memories.

My paternal grandparents
lived 8 hours away
and I'd see them only twice
a year
making time even shorter
for building relationships
and memories
a reality I had not appreciated.

I have a number of memories
of things shared
with Dad,
like when he'd help me
with Physics homework
in high school
but I had other needs for your help,
Dad.

But how do I ask
about things that are
usually learned
over time...
Complex questions,
yet, what if you,
Dad,
are the only one
that can answer
my questions?

You might think,
Dad,
that it is odd
that I'd say
this.

We've lived with the simple
yet useless, false, and
ineffective
assumption
that because we don't see
eye to eye
that I wouldn't value
your advice,
guidance
and instruction.

But it is my hope
that these words
have impact
and don't just fade
like some observation
of mine
that lacks practical
importance and
implication...
I'll wait
and hope
for your answer.

by Bruce Whealton
July 8, 2009

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